A Q&A session with a relationship coach ahead of Valentine’s in lockdown

Due to Covid-19 level 5 restrictions, couples across the county and country are facing into a Valentine’s day like no other – with some spending the day miles apart and others having spent every minute of the last 10 months together.

Orla Quinn is a sacred sexuality and relationship coach.

As a result of the ongoing pandemic, Orla has taken her business Triskele Heart online.

Although she admits it is challenging, she is also grateful she is able to continue helping couples who need her help now more than ever.                                                                     

Limerick Voice caught up with Orla to get her expert advice on how to celebrate Valentine’s Day, regardless of your relationship status or situation:

You are a sacred sexuality and relationship coach – first of all tell us how you got into this line of work?

“It’s a long story but I’ll start with who I am; basically I’m an Aries. I like to start new things all the time and change my life a lot. I’ve gone through multiple career changes throughout my life, although it’s always been kind of following my passion and what the current passion is.”

“After some time working in the humanitarian field I realised that that was no longer my passion and my passion is actually much much deeper; it’s a soul mission and so that’s where I went on my soul journey to find out the truth of who I am and the truth of my gifts.”

“It was through that shamanic process that I realised I’m here to help people with their relationships, because I’ve always been an empath and I’ve always had a fine tuning for relationships and how people work together. You know when I went on that soul mission I realised that that’s actually the gift I can give to the world.”

Conscious Sexuality talk hosted by Orla Quinn Photo Credit: Triskele Heart Healing

Many couples will have spent the majority of the last 10 months with each other with very little respite, what advice would you give to those who may fear that Valentine’s day will just feel like another day?

“One thing I think Covid has helped us do is to lower the bar in terms of what we can buy and treat our better half too. And I feel like the opportunity it has given us is the chance to be more creative around what we do for our partner. Some of the simplest and romantic things, for example cooking them a beautiful dinner with candles or running them a bath, they don’t require external resources.”

“Some people are naturally romantic and others have to work at it, so I would really be encouraging those who have to work at it to really dig deep into their creative juices and go ok and what could I do that’s really special and that I’m giving them a gift that comes from me – from my kindness, my compassion and from my love. These are the most precious gifts. You can feel the love and appreciation that it gets received with. So my advice would be don’t sweat it, you know we can’t do the things that we’re used too but the more simple things are actually the more precious.”

There are a lot of couples in the opposite situation, who don’t live together and won’t be able to spend the day together due to lockdown – how can they still make the day special?

“Well I suppose I would say is to be organised and send something in the post for a change. The power of a love letter never dies. We do depend so much on the virtual world now in our connections, so do something different.”

“Again, something that comes from the heart. That’s something that can never be beaten or be out shone. So a letter that comes from the heart. A card that comes from the heart, flowers, chocolate, whatever way you want to express it, get it sent by delivery. Be sentimental and that will go a long long way.”

For those who are now single, and who probably haven’t had many opportunities to find someone or have any type of intimacy with someone in the past 10 months because due to Covid-19 it is something that has been highly advised against – what would you say to them?

“I think you hit a really important note when you said we can’t do it and it’s hard for human beings not to be in connection because it’s what we are, we’re naturally social creatures. So to not have that connection is a loss and we do feel it. I mean I could say to you, one option is to treat yourself or to do something nice for yourself but I feel like what we really want is connections. Honour that, if you are in a pod, even if it’s not in an intimate pod but a friendship pod, maybe use that to have your connection.”

“We do still need to receive hugs, we need that human touch, so I would really encourage people who are not in an intimate relationship to find their intimacy in other ways. I know it’s not going to provide the same level of intimacy but it’s still going to provide a loving touch, whether that be from a mother, father, sister, brother or best friend.”

“I guess what I’m saying is that a lot of people don’t know that what is causing them loneliness is lack of human touch, what I would say is that when that loneliness hits, especially on days like Valentine’s when if you’re single it is in bright lights ‘You Are Single!’”

“On that day go get hugs from someone who is in your pod that’s safe and just feel the beauty of that. That can actually alleviate and bring serotonin into the body again and bring hope back in. Ultimately what helps us manifest our partner is to stay in that high vibe of yes we are deserving of the love. Get that hug because we absolutely need it at these times.”

Online dating websites and apps such as Tinder and Bumble are the best chance some people will get to meeting someone new these days, do you think online dating works?

“It absolutely does work for people so I wouldn’t diss it or say that isn’t the way to go but I do know that it brings up a lot of vulnerability and it can trigger people. It can bring people to that insecure place of ‘am I worthy? Are they going to reject me? So when it comes to intimacy, I would start with your best friend and get a hug from someone you know is not going to reject you!”

“And then if you’re feeling brave and if you’re ready for it and you have the confidence behind you then absolutely go out there and go online. I would say play with it, play the field. I do know though that it is very time consuming and it can get very addictive and so I would just be weary of that.”

“Have your boundaries around it. We’re already online a lot, we already live in some kind of virtual reality so make sure you have the balance because too much virtual world isn’t healthy for us. Human connection is, we need more of the physical connection.”

For more information check out Triskele Heart Healing’s website here.

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